Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
