He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize