i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
