Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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