dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
