So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
