You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
