he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
