he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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