so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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