P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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