a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
