I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Randomize
