Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
