shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
of course. lets lasso hookers.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Randomize
