Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
