You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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