cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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