You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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