Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
