I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
