Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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