Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
