i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
