don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You dont lie about slip and slides
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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