Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
