Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize