tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
