sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
