God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize