Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
