Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I think people are normalizing furries
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
