its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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