Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
