What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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