Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize