he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
why do cheetos always look like penises
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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