I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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