i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Floor bacon is actually really good
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
