Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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