omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
