we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
