I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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