No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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