Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
