You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Omg I joined a choir last night...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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