It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
