i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
