His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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