Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
