I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
