Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
You dont lie about slip and slides
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
