I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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