So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
