I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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