Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
