Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
