My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
