I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
