Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize