Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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