I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize