May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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