Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
