dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
