I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
