so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
