i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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